Kintsugi - Trauma and Healing

I’ve been trying to find the right words to say to you. You shared with me pieces of what happened. Pieces not like puzzle pieces but like pieces of glass. Sharp. Shattered. Scattered. Everywhere, all at once. Like I had opened a closet full of broken glass. Broken glass that had always been swept under the carpet. Broken glass you probably had to pick up yourself. I’ve been trying to find the right words to say but all I can really say is I’m sorry. I’m sorry someone felt like they could treat your body the way they did. I’m sorry that someone wasn’t a stranger or an enemy but someone you thought you could trust. I’m sorry for the confusion you felt when it was happening. I’m sorry that you didn’t understand. I’m sorry that he didn’t either. I’m sorry that when you understood and tried to tell him, he got angry and did it again. I’m sorry you felt ashamed. And dirty. I’m sorry no one told you it is anything but your fault. I’m sorry that for a long time it felt like it was. I’m sorry that when you told them they didn’t listen. I’m sorry that all I could do was listen. I’m sorry that interactions with you get reduced to a bullet point on a resume or a check mark on an application. You are so much more than that. I’m sorry if it doesn’t feel like it. I hope that when people come and talk to you they see you as the girl who likes her clothes bright and shiny, as the girl who jumps up to dance even when she doesn’t know the moves, I hope they remember you as more. More than the pieces. Sharp. Shattered. Scattered. But also strong. And beautiful. Like when you see an object made using Kintsugi; a Japanese art form that uses broken pieces to re-create. The cracks in between are not just okay, they’re necessary. The cracks are the only places you can see the gold. When you shared your story you shared it with its cracks. As each piece fell, each piece built. Building something bigger. Bigger than what was broken, bigger in a way that doesn’t make me feel so sorry anymore.... bigger in a way that gives me hope. Bigger like Kintsugi.